Women - hate to be objectified.

Also women - don't talk to me unless you buy a bundle of my nudes.

At least I'm honest, I don't wanna sound like "I'm not like the other girls" but jeez... If I go to a NSFW server and guys notice I'm a girl, I enjoy the time, the attention and I make sure the guys (or girls) enjoy too. If your whole power fantasy is being a "Queen" in a server where people only care about your ass, you're less than a woman. And shame on the guys who actually defend that type of bitches. Then they have the gull to Tweet how horny they are (translation: how much they need for rent) and post shit like "Sex work is work" eh, no. You're not a sex worker, you're an entitled manipulative bitch with issues and your therapy is draining the wallet of poor lonely men who can't get affection otherwise.

Besides, I met one claiming her KoFi money was because she's a good artist, and while she's not *bad* maybe it's got something to do with the dozen of lewd teases she posted on her discord... Maybe, it's a plausible possibility.

And lesbians who make their sexuality being their defining trait? Seriously, I prefer talking to trans women or femboys. Lesbians with that attitude usually had one bad experience with men and vent out all their frustration "dominating" (as in, not having a healthy relationship) with a younger, weaker girl. The cycle of abuse repeats once the "dominated" grows up and she's discarded, due to abandonment issues and her only experience being defined by someone who thinks what you do under the sheets is your whole life, they become the abusive dominant. Circle of life people! Elton John tried to warn us!

(And yes, I'm saying this as a 26 year old bi, cis woman who had enough of girls younger than my sister bossing me around like I'm some BDSM porn actress)

Jesus Christ I'm horny and everyone is offline, just WHY?!? I swear I would fuck a cockroach

Nothing like making guys cum 💎 💎 💎 💎 and have some drawings as a "thank you~" 😘

Yes, I'm horny 👍

Unsurprisingly I take Xanax. Lots of Xanax. I'm talking about six miligrams per day minimum. They were prescribed to me (and my beloved mother) but she found out I'm taking "way above the regular dose" and I was cut cold on my Xanax doses. I literally can't remember a day I haven't swallowed at least four of those just to get through stress, anxiety and agoraphobia. And now withdrawal is kicking in, paranoia and panic attacks on sight and worst of all? I have to "behave" properly or I'm kicked out of my house in a week.

I am royally fucked. I'm not even a messy junky. I just *need* those pills to not drown in my own anxiety...

Just as I thought the storm would calm down things find a new way to fuck my life.

Long story short last year I befriended (or more like, she befriended me) one of my sister's friends and things didn't end well, she was my best friend but suddenly she snapped at me saying she only befriended me out of pity... Among other hurtful things.

My sister blocked her and kicked her out of her life as far as I knew...

Now I found out she never did so and in fact they've been talking behind my back all this time, my own sister. Using my chats with her as bargaining chips against me. The same girl who told me this "friend" wasn't that good of a friend...

All in all the results are that I'm persona non grata in my own house (the one I pay for lol) my family hates me, they stopped talking to me (until the next beating of course!) and... I'll be forced out of the house and thrown to therapists to see if they can find the "root" of my "evilness"

I still remember when my mother was skeptical about geek cons and cosplay and I talked to her knowing my sister loves it just so my sister could be herself and be happy.

Lesson learned: don't ever do anything for anyone. It WILL backfire and nobody cares about you in the end.

Well, after a year convincing my sister that there's nothing wrong in making friends and enjoying her hobbies she's going out with some this weekend for a birthday party. I gave her some of my old anime memorabilia so she could give her a gift on my behalf (no, I wasn't invited) It ended up in a shitfest because my sister found I had an old Pearl necklace which I remember giving to my mother and she didn't like it, then my brother implying that i was "preying" on my sister's friends. And in the end I got talked down like some sort of weird bitch who steals jewelry, preys on girls (despite already knowing she has a gf herself and... She's not my type?) and is also a sexually repressed pervert lesbian. Yeah, that's what I get for pushing my sister into making friends. Honestly I hope her cosplayer/streamer career goes better than my artistic career because I'm definitely killing myself after literally giving up on a normal life to sustain these guys.

My loser level got to the point I felt envy of my sister becoming a popular streamer and cosplayer with actual friends. I think I realised how stupid is that while looking for my (IRL) friends on my old Facebook and ... They're all successful artist and musicians.... So in the end, I'm just happy that she's happy. I'm happy that she didn't end up like me. Alone, without IRL friends, no hang outs, just... A creep, a weirdo, (what the hell am I doing heeeere ♪)

A few hours ago I came back from a convention on Anime Idols and boy...

It was a big, long hall full of stands with nicely homemade merchandise (even food stands, it's been a while since I see one of these in a geek con) but honestly it didn't took an hour until i felt alone, like i didn't fit in. Granted I went mostly because my sister was doing a Ramuda (HypMic) cosplay and even did an amazing dance at the end but holy shit. Cosplayers build their own posses, cliques and if you're not "them" you're less than a human. I spent most of the event (7hrs total kinda) just walking around trying to look for people to talk to (more than 1k people) and I never felt more alone in my life. It was hard for me to grasp the amount of people there, each and everyone in their own bubbles.

The music was unsurprisingly shit but what really made me go take a furious piss was the microphone quality and the host being a 40 something cosplayers acting like she's 15, grow the fuck up.

I got to meet a fellow artist who was also feeling rather alone (she was there on business) and we talked a while, I tried giving her my phone number and her response was a cold "i have a boyfriend"

I ended up falling asleep on the benches when the whole thing started to shut down.

Now, I know I'm socially awkward and introverted myself, but lately I'm seeing a lot more of an "elitistic" behaviour in cosplayers. My sister quickly made a group of friends and we basically spent separate days in the same place, she had fun, friends and concerts. I had... Well, I realised for the first time in my life that I've nothing unique or useful to myself....

I gotta say, it was a shitfest.

At least I drew a Sad Girl...

Well, tomorrow I have a big event, it centers around "idols" and even anime idols! I honestly don't know what to expect but I'll do my best to keep myself entertained.

Indefinite hiatus, probably cancellation. I can't think of anything to do with Sad Girl that feels original or well done. I've already seen so many pieces doing everything better, faster and much more meaningful than my crappy doodles that it would be impossible for me to go back to drawing goth girl #1337.

I just feel there's nothing attractive about her, nothing meaningful and much less anything unique. She's just there and sadly my ideas for her were already deconstructed. I can't keep up with the crowd.

Given that she was my main focus drawing I highly doubt I'll ever go back. Sad Girl never got where I wanted, never said what I wanted and wasn't seen as I expected.