I'm getting tired of getting a follower but keeping the number even because some random follower leaves without explanation. I'm not against people leaving, but give a reason or at least a signal, dude...

I think the nature of my art rut is that I became too critical with my own work and I only saw flaws in every drawing I made or tried to make after seeing younger, more talented artists. I don't think the solution is near but at least I addressed the problem.

I give up.

I'm sick of this shit. I know, I know "git gud" or "It takes time and practice" but I'm a month away from being even closer to 30 and a fucking kid outdid my work in ten fucking minutes.... and I snapped, because drawing for me is a language and I'm speaking a dead language while I can't keep up with the kids and their new lingo. I'm a foreigner. A stranger in a strange land.

SAD GIRL! - SO EASY A KID CAN DO HER!

While I never strived to be good or have a specific style... seeing my creation being perfected by others.... yeah, it's over.

Never an artist was I, nor shall I be.

Goodbye.

I'm moving slowly and made almost no progress with my art. The floor above my bathroom (the ceiling) collapsed and on top of that I'm having troubles paying the bills. I'm less than motivated to draw some shit that doesn't even look good. So excuse me if I don't release anything for a while. If you can, if you don't it's whatever.

Although I don't wanna piss straight up betting if my health improved or I'm simply too happy to ignore I'm still puking I had finally taken the right steps in life. Living by myself, sustaining myself on what I can earn online and, above all, GETTING BACK TO WORK ON MY DEAR DRAWINGS! I MISSED THESE SHITS SO MUCH!

The site is still new, fresh and clean but I made myself a KoFi account to facilitate the donations! :D

https://ko-fi.com/mazooe

I announce my retirement.

I wished it would have lasted longer but there's no one else to share, nothing new to share, nothing to do and I have already planned my suicide. I send my appreciation to those who helped me when it was tough even for them, but now, I'm marooned, I'm isolated, I'm drifting away. If I keep living at least one or two weeks more it would be more physical and emotional pain to bear alone.

So therefore I have already invested in the necessary tools for my own self termination.

I thank all the support at the time I needed it but now I'm less than a human, I'm a soulless husk without receptors for any kind of support or kind, sugary words.

Sad Girl as a project of mine is dead. Since it was never patented, everyone is free to do what they want with her.

I can't confirm the precise day and hour of the end but it will be before June 8.

This was a ride that was never meant to happen.

I'll see you all later.

- Maz.

And that's the last thing he told me...

I'm currently in a hospital bed, trying to recover but reminiscing about my former friends of which I have none left. Years spent on projects that went nowhere, years of work just to cover my family, years of mistreatment.

I just don't want to leave. I want to know why they left me. What have I done? Tell me and I'll fix it. But I think the more I think, the only way I'll get out of this hospital is in a body bag.

My well deserved isolation is killing me slower than I expected. I haven't spoke with a person in days, my friends barely bother talking to me and I feel lost in my own family... Couple that with the scars of rejection and alienation and I think I'm way down the path of self destruction.

And no, no Sad Girl updates.

Women - hate to be objectified.

Also women - don't talk to me unless you buy a bundle of my nudes.

At least I'm honest, I don't wanna sound like "I'm not like the other girls" but jeez... If I go to a NSFW server and guys notice I'm a girl, I enjoy the time, the attention and I make sure the guys (or girls) enjoy too. If your whole power fantasy is being a "Queen" in a server where people only care about your ass, you're less than a woman. And shame on the guys who actually defend that type of bitches. Then they have the gull to Tweet how horny they are (translation: how much they need for rent) and post shit like "Sex work is work" eh, no. You're not a sex worker, you're an entitled manipulative bitch with issues and your therapy is draining the wallet of poor lonely men who can't get affection otherwise.

Besides, I met one claiming her KoFi money was because she's a good artist, and while she's not *bad* maybe it's got something to do with the dozen of lewd teases she posted on her discord... Maybe, it's a plausible possibility.

And lesbians who make their sexuality being their defining trait? Seriously, I prefer talking to trans women or femboys. Lesbians with that attitude usually had one bad experience with men and vent out all their frustration "dominating" (as in, not having a healthy relationship) with a younger, weaker girl. The cycle of abuse repeats once the "dominated" grows up and she's discarded, due to abandonment issues and her only experience being defined by someone who thinks what you do under the sheets is your whole life, they become the abusive dominant. Circle of life people! Elton John tried to warn us!

(And yes, I'm saying this as a 26 year old bi, cis woman who had enough of girls younger than my sister bossing me around like I'm some BDSM porn actress)

Jesus Christ I'm horny and everyone is offline, just WHY?!? I swear I would fuck a cockroach