Co-Lead of Sad Girl
Amateur artist
The Discord is ".mazooe"
Professional Shy Girl
If I try to get away...
How long until I'm free?
And if I don't come back here...
Will you remember me?
Alien
I draw skinny, sad,
Shooter
Here
Joined on 3/8/24
Posted by Mazooe - May 22nd, 2024
My well deserved isolation is killing me slower than I expected. I haven't spoke with a person in days, my friends barely bother talking to me and I feel lost in my own family... Couple that with the scars of rejection and alienation and I think I'm way down the path of self destruction.
And no, no Sad Girl updates.
I don't think your isolation is "deserved". Sometimes we end up in lonely situations through no fault of our own. I believe you, family can be very tough to deal with. It makes it hard to create a fulfilling life for oneself when you are at the mercy of people who alienate you.
Sounded dramatic didn't I? Maybe not "deserved" but self inflicted. I know I'm not the best daughter and I'm universes away from being a good friend. I just look back at the friends that left me and think "maybe they were right"
Listen, either kill yourself or do something to fix your situation dudette. This type of slow death ain't for anyone. Either option is better than a perpetual rot.
Kid, I don't care if I have to live using a barbed wire necktie. I'll live as long as I can aid my family.
@ben-doever Im not mocking her or anything man. But its like, shit or get off the pot Y'know?Constantly torturing yourself with such thoughts will lead to nothing but you turning into a living-dead hollowed out corpse just aimlessly drifting through life. Trust me, I know about things like that.
You cannot think your way out of depression or whatever mental virus you have.You either physically do something about that or you just end it now instead of it claiming you piece by piece.
More dignity that way.
@phenorax right, I see...
but, still. there are people who can help her, and will help her. i'd know. but,I see what you mean. as in, she should so somethig about it. but she still shouldn't kill herself.
@ben-doever People can't help her if they don't know she needs it. And what can a bunch of internet strangers do? I get airing out your grievances and problems to make them easier to bear but... doing this ain't exactly fixing them now is it?
She needs to put this work into fruition IRL, only way for it to actually start getting better.
"I get airing out your grievances and problems to make them easier to bear but... doing this ain't exactly fixing them now is it?"
Maybe- Sometimes I feel better, sometimes I feel worse but however I feel I can always look back at my writings and think "That's how I felt then"
Bottle up what you want/have to say and you got a nasty recipe for depression.
@phenorax right...
@Mazooe People leave for all kinds of reasons. You only know one side of the story. I know how you feel; all my childhood friends are gone and I only have a small few close friends scattered around the internet. Nobody local. My longest friendship is only about 15 years.
At a certain point it is important to understand that people will come and go. That is the chaotic nature of life. But just because they go doesn't mean you shouldn't keep making new connections.
If the problem really was you, then I don't think you'd be questioning yourself as much as you are right now. People who are the problem tend to think that everybody ELSE is the problem, and not themselves.
And that's where my shitty self appears, if they leave, it hurts, if they leave and I don't know why and we had a stable friendship and they just *leave* I feel awful, then I feel like what hurts me is not the departure, but the lack of reason.
To put an extreme example: If I got killed randomly it would leave me mighty ticked off, but if it were someone I knew and he had his reasons to kill me, I would just try to put an even fight.
@Mazooe Good to hear it then.
I've been in your position, believe it or not. To such a horrible extent i wonder how i even made it out and got myself a "life". I don't mean to exactly make matters worse or project on you, but just know that even if no one comes to help you and even if you're alone, you're all you need and you're the only one that can understand you the best, so you're very likely to end up just fishing yourself out of this into a relatively better life.
You don't need to worry about other people now, especially if you've gone all the way to being a NEET. I'd advise you just take care of yourself and try to make things right FOR YOU.
Clearly, this is vague input, so if you'd like to discuss things further, you're welcome to DM me. But once again, i still think you just need to take yourself out of being a NEET before you worry about friends. Since once again, you matter more now.
Your future friends that love you won't be able to see you if you're in your room all day for the next 5 years, right? So, try to leave it and better yourself so they can find you.
Well, shoot, I didn't expect it to be serious, I half-joked about being a NEET, I studied law and simply because I feel it's a more humane career, I work as a waitress in a café. I think I'm just used to not making (making, not having) friends so my reactions to social interaction both online and offline are... odd, I just don't know how to interact with people in a "normal way" because I never saw it useful. I know how to charm up or talk to people about what I want to talk and if they like it, they listen. But I resigned myself from having a "group of friends" hanging out on weekends, taking selfies at aesthetic restaurants or singing karaoke. I'm lonely, I'm weird, I burn cockroaches in the oven for fun. I feel bad sometimes for the people who would take me as a friend because I know that most leave after some of my sanity slips away and I'm me. Not a neet, a jobless lawyer that just wants to make people laugh and think "Ignorance is bliss"
@MoeAnguish couldn't have said it better myself.
@Mazooe I understand that. Them leaving without a reason feels them saying that all the time you spent together was meaningless.
It wouldn't say meaningless, it made me notice things, true or just panicky theories, about myself. What it feels like is being abandoned and feeling that no matter how I look at it, it's my fault but I don't know why
If it makes anything better, i personally opt out of friendships with 98% of the people i meet because i think they're too much work. so you don't really NEED to have friends if you don't think they work for you now or in doses higher than what you're used to. it's all down to what you personally want in life, if it ain't them then that's okay too. but again, i think right now a good idea would be to at least try to be content with yourself and your life. you'll have plenty of time to take care of selfies and everything in cafes and restaurants later.
And, if it makes anything better as well, i'm known for being particularly "unusual" but that's what my friends like about me. hell, i'm even in a loving relationship and i didn't need to pretend to be someone else for it. i just to take care of myself and the rest did itself. that's why i'm advising you to not worry about other people now, because your problems are internal, they won't be fixed by something external like another person that you can't convince to like you when you don't like yourself so much deep down.
Yeah, I usually just tag as "friend" as someone I don't see gone in a week.
@Mazooe Sometimes people are just shitty like that. It is not fair that it makes you feel like you are the problem. Even if there are parts of your life you wish you could improve, I doubt you are the reason everyone cuts off a friendship. It probably just means you have to be more selective with who you befriend.
Yeah, fuckin' minefield-
ben-doever
You aren't alone. I want to talk to you. We are frie ds, aren't we? Please, don't do it.