Followers list keeps going up while I do nothing, draw nothing and I'm still a boring log. I wonder when will I re-take art as if I actually enjoyed the gruelling isolation of sitting perfecting something someone would notice once and then move on to the next hot thing?
I always tried that my art expressed how I felt, now I see younger artists expressing the same, maybe it's their feelings and not mine, but hey, it would overflow the market with drawings of Sad Girls.
What do I feel now? Defeat, resentment, anger, sadness, mostly at myself for being who I am. Sure life goes on and I have my own life to maintain balanced but I ripped art out of my life like a tumour.... and I miss drawing for fun, now I can't even look at a pen without breaking into a sobbing mess.
Maybe I could direct my anger to God or say the bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were also art to the eggheads that developed them, maybe a pile of corpse in My Lai was art to the jarheads that opened fire, maybe a mass grave was art to the Einsatzkommando in charge. Maybe art doesn't equal good. Maybe art doesn't mean effort or soul. Maybe I'm just rotten and I'll just be left to die.
SouSTAR
Protip : don't listen to your thoughts when you already have a low opinion of yourself.
You're not boring and certainly not a log, so you're even less of a "boring log"!
You're right on some points though : art ≠ good.
Art is the expression of oneself. Bad art is when you badly expressed yourself. Good art is when you expressed your feelings in an understable manner. Both are art.
Whatever it's sadness, happiness, the lounging for a better time, silly cats, anger, cute girls, humanity's greatest mistakes or the innocent wonders of a child, "art is art".
As for effort, effort doesn't mean anything without study and work. What to study? How to work? Lemme tell ya : you work however you want, study whatever you want, but get the stuff done if you want to progress.
Some people have been drawing for years and are still "bad" because they haven't studied nor worked for the skills.
And work doesn't mean anything without motivation. So find your motivation. Your motivation is to see more fans? Seek for them. Reach for attention by being engaging.
Some final words : "make art like a child" and "take your mental state as seriously as a runner take his physical injuries".
Experiment like a child, they don't care if glitter and glue doesn't mix they will mix it anyway! Be like them!
We hope the best for you :)
Mazooe
Thanks dude, really and I'm really hoping those words come true some day again. I used to sit back listening to Soundgarden or Alice in Chains just drawing silly situations of my life and having fun. Now I feel like even if I had all the time and talent in the world I'd freeze at the thought of drawing anything. It's an horrible phobia and something I wished I could find some cure for. I did some doodles over the year but I still feel empty, like that "silly girl drawing her persona while listening Primus" is dead and I just became a mechanincal thing, doing everything like a robot. And it sucks because even in my free time watching movies or playing games I take my time to appreciate the artistic appeal, visuals, graphics, filming style, soundtrack. And I wished I had it back, the "ammo" to draw what I feel, what I like, to have the balls to share and enjoy again.
Drawing was all my life something social, I couldn't draw anything without sharing it just for the fun of it, I didn't seek to be the next big thing or anything, just have fun with my artist friends, but the more they left me (Spoiler: I have none left) or got careers and forgot about me, the less I enjoyed drawing and the more I resented art itself. I just gave up on it, I felt it was a hobby as dumb as film reviewing or video games (despite loving both) But my heart still feels empty without having something to post here or to show to someone and feel a bit glad or proud that I made *something*...